First Show Aftermath...

12th Nov
So I have gotten over the fallout from my first show and all in all it didn't go as horrifically has it could have done.
A couple of things happened to me as I stood up on the stage. Firstly I became incredibly aware of the difference in style between what I was playing and what the people staring in my direction liked. As much as I like to think I'm pretty hardcore the truth is that I am and always will be a pop-punk. Now there are some awful bands which fall into that genre but the same can be said about absolutely any style of music possible. I fall into that genre, hook line and sinker, and I have now decided it aint such a bad thing. Problem on the night though was that I was face to face with around 40 or so drunken hardcore Oi punks and I was a little shaken by the revelation!
Secondly came from that number above. Yeah standing in front of 40 plus people who have paid good money to come to a show and expect to be entertained is a little terrifying. Now I have played in bands for nearly fifteen years and together with a band that sort of number would not be enough to put me off, but there is something incredibly humbling about standing by yourself with spotlights glaring in your face, realizing that there is no one to back to up and that every tiny slip is a million times more noticeable and that you are the only one to blame to each time things aren't perfect.
So there I was, standing there and shaking in my biker boots and my mind drew a blank. I couldn't remember the name of my songs, what order I was playing them in (I only did seven) or how to play the guitar that was trembling in front of me. I had a fleeting moment thinking if I just bolted for the door I could probably make it all the way back to london and delete every social media account I own before I could hear the laughter. Although that would make for a quick merciful end to my dreams of building a career back up I decided instead to just close my eyes and see if my stupid scared brain could put itself back together.

And so I did. And I played the wrong chords. Over and over. But not so badly that I totally broke a song, and people didn't seem massively bothered by the muck ups, maybe that was because I did well enough overall to keep myself together and maybe it was just because they didn't care and weren't listening. Either way it went well enough for me and I even had a few claps and the odd cheer. Pretty much ends this in a win for me. I even had a guy ask for my pick and set-list afterwards so if I had been that bad I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have happened.

Now I need to write some more songs. I can't get by on Rancid covers forever and next time I play it probably wont be in front of a crowd that new me from the CJD/Another Day Lost/Valves eras and forgive me for playing things wrong and forgetting lyrics. next time is the real deal. Also I need to record something too, so it may be sometime before I play again.

We'll see.