Call Me Malcolm - Gonzo word stream review

I'm reviewing the brand spanking super new album by Call Me Malcolm for Lights Go Out Zine. What you will find there is the concise appropriate length review that has been edited and checked. That's will be awesome but what is about to occur here is a stream of consciousness review. The only preparation I am making is this intro and a track listing. I will then just listen to the album and comment on each song as and when thoughts form. Could be fun, could be stupid and/or a leading cause of depression among over 30s. We'll see.

You're Free To Do As We Tell You

I feel like I should know who the quote is from. I think it's Adam Sandler and..... oh man that riffage!!! the bass is chunky and awesome. Damn the chorus is cool. This has just enough brass for me to deal with. I'm trying to follow the lyrics but the only thing that is sticking is double header, but that's totally ok because the sound of the vocals is enough to melt my brains!! DAT BRASS SOLO!!!! what you don't realise at first glance is that is actually an everything solo with burning brass over the top. It makes me want to do a dance with golf cubs for some reason.

I Sold My Cat

That hook is gonna stick in my face forever. Nice use of the in song pause there, the bit where the verse picks up rocks my world, you can't go wrong with 2 and 4 beat heys underneath the vocals. Nice harmonizing right there good shiz. totally lost in acapella goodness. The harmonies whether done properly or for comic effect all sound so good that I want to make them into a cake and eat them until i get diabetes.

I'm Alright I Suppose

I want to put a suit and wear  it ironically whilst listening to this. Gives me a bit of an offspring vibe in the chorus. Rocking. This is ironic in the best kind of way, in which it's done to give a message other than "look i'm ironic". OHHH Drum breakdown!! That's the thing about hipsters isn't it, just super goddamned vain really. I saw a guy today with a surly mustache, do those guys actually look attractive to the opposite sex? I doubt it. Assholes.

Head Shot

I could not listen to this song and I would love it anyway because of the Hitchikers guide reference, but then it kicks in and the smooth summertime ska vibes take over and all i want to do is spin in circles. I used to have hangovers, not anymore cuz I'm straight edge (apart from all the drugs) but I can relate to this extremely well, all while nodding my head up and down like a loon missing the good old days of trying to listen to someone else explain to me why there is a heart shaped puke stain on my kitchen door. OH YEAH! GOOD GOD!

Doughnut Man

Oh man yeah, seriously this is like drinking three redbulls at once, what a skank anthem, and such a powerhouse chorus. This is it. The cream of all ska. If someone hasn't listened to a ska album before ( and shame on you is you haven't) then this should be it, in fact even if you've listen to a million ska albums and any number in between then this is exactly what the best of the genre sounds like. It's just gone shooting into my top five songs of all time. I would hit the haters with my kung fu, shame my kung fu is weak and smells.

Meat Party: Episode IV

This one is the metal tune. Not really but you know, bit of a heavy intro. Rad. Thing with this album is that you may think that because it's on a small label and it's not been on Kerrang then it might somehow lack in quality for all that but you would be sorely wrong. This takes the real greats like Reel Big Fish and Sublime and Lightyear and fits right alongside, maybe even looming over them like the way those wish their band could sound like, that's not to say I think those guys are bad. As I mentioned I think they are (were) the best until i heard this.

It's Not Me It's You

Man just when you think is just about as good as it can get they throw in a skatepunk chorus. I love skatepunk the most ever and now i love this album the most ever. This just goes to show what incredible musicianship is on display, these guys clearly love the ska, and they have perfected their craft, but this songs just says "yeah but we could have quite easily written one of the best skatepunk albums of all time if we were inclined". Smooth stuff

John Feldmann's Going To Kill Me

DAT BASS! I see what they did here. Goldfinger are one of those bands that I properly grew up listening to. When I say "properly" I mean that I was already a fan before they had a song on a video game. Superman was a song that didn't leave the punk clubs playlists for too many years. I broke the rules just now to go back and see if I could catch all of the references. If I was to write a homage to my idol I would just borderline plagiarize their music rather than writing something clever and witty and endearing. I am not as good as Call Me Malcolm though. I feel that not many people are.

Sucker Punch

Holy cow yeah!! When these guys wanna rock they fucking crank those amps right up to 11 (of a possible 5). It's nice to hear bands that are just as comfortable playing with the distortion switched on as they are killing it on upstrokes.

Battleaxe

And then when they've wound you up like a coil the last tune kicks in and it floats you back down to earth in a cloud of pure awesome and perfectly constructed vocal melodies. I feel like I've been on the funnest journey through my mind right now and this is the ship to to the Grey Havens just ending the game for all who have come before. I feel sorry for all other music in my life that has to come after this. I may actively decide to never listen to another album again. The rational part of my brain tells me that it's not a great idea because I play in a band myself and run a record label and part of that means I will inevitably need to hear something else but right now I don't care. This is it, and everything can go hit the mute button.

Bonus

I wont say too much about this. It is an experience that cannot be described without my face exploding. Whatever you are thinking you are totally wrong.


And there you have it. I only proof read this enough to clear out the worst of the spelling mistakes so if you made it far enough to read this then I'm sorry, seemed like a good idea at the time. Go console yourself with THIS ALBUM